you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
