it wasn't lemon gatorade
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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