I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Pants are for mortals
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
