Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
