last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
