he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
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