I'm drive I can fine osifer
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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