he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Let's get the cat blown out
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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