Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
