It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize