once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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