i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
