Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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