Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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