Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
