There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
