I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize