'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
