His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
