I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
