I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Randomize
