He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Randomize
