Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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