i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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