Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Randomize
