I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
