I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
