Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
