Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
