i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
