She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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