Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
