It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
