I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Randomize