last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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