4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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