I like to think it a success when the cops are called
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
