hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
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