I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
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