is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
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