Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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