The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
