I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I need a burrito and a hug.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Randomize
