it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
