Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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