But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
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