Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Randomize