You're completely useless in the revolution.
I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
