I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
