I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
