Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
