not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
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