What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
