Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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