Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
