So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
