i barfeds in our rink
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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