My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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