hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
