I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
