This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
