so that wasnt chicken after all
one might say we're banned from that church
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
