1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
