I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
