ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
