mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
