i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
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