You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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