So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
