i think my tv is drunk
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Randomize
