If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize