Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
